I have to be honest...
Over the last couple of days I have been deeply disturbed...
On Sunday night we all learned that Chris Brown and Rihanna would be absent from the Grammy's due to an alleged episode of domestic violence.
As the days followed, those rumors have been confirmed, with details that described Rihanna's injuries as horrific.
So what followed? An outcry from the community against the devastation that domestic violence causes in all of our lives? A denunciation of Brown's heinous acts and calls to boycott his music? Or even... a small expression of concern for the health and safety of this young woman?
Not at all...
Instead what followed was shameful...
Yesterday I was struck by the many facebook status' of friends and acquaintances, most poking fun at the situation, some asking what Rihanna had "done wrong," and many men (jokingly?) ascribing to the belief that this type of behavior is not only normal... but acceptable...
Some went so far as to make a photoshop picture of what Rihanna "might look like" after the beating...
The radio had caller after caller all saying the same thing... "well... i love chris brown, so... i'm going to go buy his album anyway... its not that big of a deal"...
And I found myself paralyzed with nothing else on my mind but... WHAT THE HELL?!
When probed, most of the authors say that they are just "joking" and of course domestic violence is terrible or... "damn why you gotta take everything so seriously?"...
But I take it seriously... because... shockingly... a woman being beaten within near inches of her life is serious... a country that is so desensitized to violence against women of color that all we can think to do is laugh, is a life-threatening matter.
Black women are actually 3x's as likely to experience domestic violence than any other sub-group of women, they are also substantially less likely to report it.
And why should they report it? In a country where the criminal justice system is ill-equipped to do anything at all about domestic violence, and where police officers are hesitant to get involved in "domestic disputes," it can seem almost fruitless.
But even more significantly, even if the police and the court system do take a woman's complaint seriously... often times, a womans own community will not. Like reports that alledge the reason for the fight between Chris and Rihanna was because she gave him an STD... to frequently we blame the woman for the altercation and ask, "what did she do?"
We ignore rampant physical and sexual abuse of black women and girls in our homes and the homes of our neighbors and family members all for the same reason... at the end of the day... we believed she deserved it... or even worse... we believe that its "none of our business..."
But that's just it... it IS... our business... it is our business to create a climate where women young and old know that domestic violence is NOT their fault... where women and girls believe that they will not be ostracized, blamed or made fun of for speaking out against their abusers... where women can know that if they seek help they will RECEIVE it...
Each and every one of us has to take responsibility for the reality that today, most women of color do not feel comfortable, let alone safe, taking action against their abusers. It is the fault of every last one of us... it is our words and our actions that have created that reality... it is our refusal to fault the men who engage in this pervasive violence that has allowed this problem to take root in our community...
So today I urge you all to take responsibility for the impact you have in your neighborhood, school, business or "social network".... pick your words carefully and thoughtfully and pause next time before you make that "domestic violence joke."
peace.
(Picture Courtesy of Vivre Magazine.Com)
